Does God Restore Marriages After Divorce?

Weddings bring such a beautiful moment in a person’s life. From the time the man kneels down and offers the ring to the engagement season when the soon-to-be-married couple prepare for the coming wedding, there is so much excitement that many are willing to spend a great deal on it. The wedding day comes when they are finally pronounced husband and wife–-the moment that everyone has been waiting for. The happiness of the couple is at its peak. Then comes the reality of marriage; their expectation of happiness is so greatly challenged by their differences and circumstances that everything starts to go into a downward spiral. It is heartbreaking to see people throwing away marriage when things become so overwhelming because personal happiness has been the gauge for a successful marriage; not the standards and will of God. Consequently, the marriage brings so much brokenness that it seems like healing or restoration is not possible.

If it seems like divorce leads us to a dead end, is it still possible for God to restore marriages after divorce? Absolutely! Yes, God can and does encourage the restoration of marriage even after divorce. After all, part of God’s nature is healing and restoration of what is broken.

Many give up on marriage because of seemingly irreconcilable differences and do not persevere or give enough respect to the sanctity of this supposedly unbreakable lifetime covenant. As Jesus said, “What God has joined together, let no man separate (Matthew 19:6 Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.).” Popular media, most of the time, portray a fairytale-like concept of love and romance. Men and women then get enamored by the idea of having someone perfect for them. The unrealistic idea of finding a Prince Charming or the beautiful and perfect princess – or simply pursuing the happily ever after – sets the expectation that seems to revolve around “romantic moments,” bringing that into marriage and becoming sorely disappointed in what they find later on. Sadly, it is not always happily ever after, but a married life filled with challenges. But those who persevere in Christ do have a happy forever after.

Some think that marriage is about finding a lifetime partner, to have a relationship that is like compatible puzzle pieces that fit perfectly together. If that were the present reality, marriages would feel like a walk in the park. The reality is that both partners have their own upbringing and personal uniqueness and preferences that are still involved at the time of marriage. It’s like seeing two different worlds collide. We also have to understand that each person has their own brokenness. Each person battles with their own inner darkness, which does not always manifest during courtship. The truth is that marriage is not like finding a perfect puzzle piece to fit with yours. It is like seeing two broken pieces that need superglue to hold them together. That superglue is none other than Jesus Christ. We depend on Christ, and the more couples work together toward becoming Christ-like, the stronger the bond becomes despite the differences.

But unfortunately, many fail to understand or embrace this. In doing so, the marriage fails miserably. When we let go of what Christ values and His teachings about character and relationship, we are putting our marriage in imminent danger. Most conflicts in marriage are not really marital but individual issues. When we don’t invest in our personal walk with Christ, our minds and heart start to be compromised because our relationship with Him and His Lordship will always redefine our personal values, thoughts, and emotions. Being in Christ also means that we start to have the humility to seek godly accountability and counsel. As Christ is the head of the church, He uses His other body parts to take care of parts that are hurting and struggling. Our relationship with God and His church helps build a strong and well-reinforced marriage.

But even if you are in a bad state in your marriage, the good thing about God, when we come to Him, is that He is able to fix anything. In fact, it is His will that broken marriages be restored and healed.

[1 Corinthians 7:10-11 10 And unto the married I command, yet not I, but the Lord, Let not the wife depart from her husband: 11 But and if she depart, let her remain unmarried or be reconciled to her husband: and let not the husband put away his wife.]

Paul gives a command to the Christian husbands in the Corinthian church that a wife should not be separated from her husband and that a husband should never divorce his wife. But if they are already divorced, she should remain unmarried, or, if she can’t, she must believe and work out a reconciliation with her husband. God will always go for reconciliation as the first and most important measure.

God is dead serious about marriage. He is always for reconciliation and restoration. So, even if couples are already divorced, He can put them back together again. We even know of a testimony of a couple that had so much strain in the marriage that they eventually drifted apart from each other and decided to file for divorce. As they went through the legal process, each encountered Christ, and the power of the Gospel changed their hearts. They started to find healing and their relationship started to come to life. What was once cold and hostile now has renewed love and warmth. God was doing His miracle in their marriage as He was changing their character, faith, and relationship. So, as the court pronounced the divorce, they just smiled at each other. After they became officially divorced, they decided to get married again. What a wonderful miracle that only God can pull off. And this is just one of the many stories of how God can restore marriages, even after divorce or separation. Indeed, God can turn the impossible into the possible.

There is hope in a broken marriage. God is pleased when married couples choose the path of healing and restoration. If you are willing to trust God, then start by praying for reconciliation and healing. On our own, we will always fall short. The restoration process can be quite overwhelming. That is why we should always come to God and ask for healing in marriage. Prayer is acknowledging that only God can change people’s hearts. Pray that God will work in your hearts to release and receive forgiveness. The path to healing starts when couples choose to forgive each other and repent for the wrong that has been done. When the huge cracks in the marriage seem to be too impossible to patch up, know that there is nothing impossible for God. Healing and believing in the process of restoration cannot be done alone. It can be a hard and lonely walk to fight and believe in the healing of a broken marriage; that is why we don’t have to face it alone. Finding help from the church community and investing in a good Christian counseling program goes a long way. 

There is another story of a marriage torn apart by adultery. The infidelity and the hardness of the husband’s heart devastated the wife. Eventually, the husband decided to leave her to be with another woman. But during the wife’s ordeal, she found faith in God through her church community. She learned to earnestly pray and started believing for God’s hand to work in the restoration of her marriage. God answered in a very unexpected way. Two years later, the husband got into an accident that nearly took his life. The doctor said that it was a miracle that he is still alive despite his critical injuries. During his time at the hospital, his wife responded to watch over him and care for him. He also experienced the love of people from church, praying and helping by doing errands for him. Then he started to see God’s discipline and mercy and eventually repented. He saw how good God is to him despite his rebellion and how he has been given another chance to make it right with God and his wife. During his recovery from his injuries, he started attending church with his wife, and later, he decided to cut off his adulterous relationship. Now, they are back together as a family and even have a baby. Never underestimate what prayer can do to even the most difficult situations. God always makes a way.

In Japan, they have this art of fixing broken pottery called kintsugi. They don’t just use any adhesive to put the broken pieces together. They use gold. What is wonderful is that after the pottery is mended, it becomes even more beautiful and much more valuable. That paints a picture of what God can do to a broken marriage. If we allow Him to take all our flaws and pains and fix everything, the marriage that was once in pieces is turned into something more beautiful, stronger, and even more valuable.

[Psalm 46:1-3 God is our refuge and strength, always ready to help in times of trouble.2 So we will not fear when earthquakes come and the mountains crumble into the sea. 3 Let the oceans roar and foam. Let the mountains tremble as the waters surge! NLT]

Troubles hit home and cause your world to shake and shatter. A troubled marriage brings in so much frustration, distress, anger, and grief. It starts to blur how you see the future. Know that God is offering to find us a refuge and new strength in His presence. Even if things are falling apart, God is always able to fix and restore them. And He promises to always be there for us.

Will God bless a second marriage?

There was a time in the Old Testament when God spoke to His temple priests through the prophet Malachi regarding His utter disappointment with them. The priests were wondering why God didn’t accept their worship. God did not want to pay attention to their offerings and was very much displeased with them (Malachi 2:13-16). He told them to be faithful to the “wife of your youth.” The priests sinned against God by abandoning their original wives, whom they married when they were still young. By then, they probably were replacing them with younger wives. They did not have God’s blessing for divorce and remarriage.

So, will God ever bless a second marriage? It depends upon how legitimate the marriage ended, based on biblical grounds. Marriage can be ended in two ways: the death of a spouse and divorce. God hates divorce, and Scripture tells us of instances when God disapproves of remarriage after divorce.

There are only two circumstances in marriage when the Bible expresses or implies the approval of God for a second marriage. One of them is when a spouse dies. Scripture tells us that the death of a spouse releases a person from the marriage vow (Romans 7:2-3). By such a condition, God allows the surviving spouse to remarry, if he/she chooses to. We can say that God will bless this reason for a second marriage. In fact, God truly looks into the concerns and needs of widows.

When Jesus talked about divorce, He said that whoever divorces his spouse, except for sexual infidelity, commits adultery if he/she remarries afterward (Matthew 19:3-7). This implies that God allows the offended spouse to remarry after such a divorce although God highly encourages forgiveness and reconciliation before resorting to divorce and remarriage. After all, God is always about restoration.

So, apart from the allowances for remarriage that the Bible mentions, anyone who remarries after divorce is considered an adulterer or adulteress. Jesus made it clear that marriage is a lifetime bond, authored by God and one that no man has the right to break for whatever reason other than what is biblically legitimate. God will still love us and forgive our sins in marriage and divorce, but it doesn’t mean that He automatically blesses or condones a spouse moving on to another marriage if it is done outside what He allows. Marriage is not every person’s right – allowing him/her to treat it the way he/she feels about it – but a privilege entrusted to us to be handled with utmost care. It should not be taken lightly but be highly valued by all since it is precious to God. God blesses anything that honors Him and stays within the boundaries of His will.