What Does The Bible Say About Kicking Your Child Out?

The Bible tells us in (Psalm 127:3 Children are a heritage from the Lord, offspring a reward from him.) that having children is a gift from the Lord, and you can find in Genesis 1:28 that God blessed man and commanded them to have many children. Indeed, God sees children as precious, for through them, the image of God is spread all over the earth. They are entrusted by God to parents as a gift and are also a heavy responsibility. But how are parents stewarding this responsibility? How a child is raised can build up or tear down his/her life and can greatly affect society, the whole world, and even generations to come. 

All around the world, in different times and cultures, we find various parenting styles. Some are too pampering while some are just too barbaric. One child grows up spoiled and ill-mannered in a very enabling home where parents don’t bother with the hard work of discipline because it’s too inconvenient. On the other hand, another child grows up with much brokenness and a faulty outlook in life due to being raised in a very harsh upbringing and environment. The kind of person a child becomes is merely a reflection of the kind of parent he/she was raised by. Parenting, left to man’s device, can be catastrophic. It’s a good thing that God teaches us through the Bible how to do it right. So, what does biblical discipline look like? What should be done when children make mistakes, especially grievous ones? Is it biblical to kick your child out?

The Bible tells us that it’s unloving to withhold discipline from our children (Proverbs 13:24). But it shouldn’t cause long-term physical, mental, and emotional damage to them. Paul teaches fathers not to exasperate their children but to raise them up in the ways of the Lord (Ephesians 6:4).

For parents, kicking adult children out of the house to learn total independence in life can be one of the most difficult things to do, but it is beneficial for both the adult child and the parent. Parents learn to cease control over the life decisions of their child, and the child, in turn, learns to fend for himself/herself. After all, Proverbs 22:6 teaches us to train our children in the right way, and when they grow old, they won’t be lost in figuring out how to navigate adult life. Psalm 127:4 also tells us that children given to parents are like arrows in the hands of a skilled warrior. If you think about this symbolism, arrows are pulled out, aimed from a stretched bow, and, once the archer is sure that it is aimed right, then he lets go, hoping that it will hit the intended target. Raising children does, in fact, look like that. 

Ephesians 6:4 warns fathers not to provoke their children to the point of exasperation but to teach and train them in the ways of the Lord. As God entrusts them to you, you teach, encourage, discipline, coach, and love them with the goal of preparing them for adult life in the right way. It’s just like aiming an arrow to hit the right target. 

But it is not just about preparing children for life on earth but, most importantly, to prepare them for eternity. God commands His people in Deuteronomy 11:19 to diligently teach children about God and His precepts intentionally and at every opportunity. The most important legacy we can give them is not wealth, intellect, or reputation but a relationship with God that will set them up not only for life but for eternity.

The kind of influence and impartation that parents give affects the kind of person the child grows into. So, when it is time to kick them out of the house, they will be people who will love God and be a blessing to others, not a liability to society.

But it is entirely another story if parents kick out their children due to issues such as homosexuality, atheism, or other personal concerns. As Christians, we have been taught to choose the way of love. According to 1 John 4:8, if we do not choose to love, we don’t know God because that is Who God is—love. Jesus was called a “friend of sinners” because He always chose to show love and compassion to sinners. But at the same time, He also does not tolerate sin nor condone it. For Christian parents, it would be contrary to Jesus’ teachings to respond by shunning or kicking out the child for reasons such as homosexuality or atheism. We are even called to speak the truth in love (Ephesians 4:15  Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will grow to become in every respect the mature body of him who is the head, that is, Christ.) . At the moment a child comes out with a confession about gender confusion or religious deviation, we must learn to respond in wisdom and love. Doing the following may help.

1. Reaffirmation

Regardless of the sinful choice or behavior, we must show the unconditional love of God by assuring the child that he/she will always be loved and accepted. We must be able to connect at the heart level, not just with reason. God showed His great love for us when, while we were still sinners, He sent His Son to die for us (Romans 5:8).

2. Listen

Dealing with these kinds of issues with your children can be very emotional, and many times we let our emotions loose. It is quite understandable that any Christian parent might feel this way, but we must learn to calm down and respond with respect. As we see from James 1:19-20, we must learn to be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to anger. Many times, it is easy for parents to merely impose opinion and authority and leave no room for the children to be heard. This often creates more problems than solutions as it pushes the child away, closing the opportunity for openness and guidance. We must learn to listen and create opportunities to be able to speak life to their struggle.

3. Talk

Take time and effort to talk about the issue with your child. Don’t put too much pressure on seeing immediate results or resolutions. Gently and lovingly process the issue with him/her in the hope of identifying the root cause of the issue. Ask if your child is open to talking with a trained Christian counselor to help in processing it.

4. Pray

Confronting these kinds of problems with your child can be very draining. Parents should learn to tap into God’s wisdom and strength. As written in Philippians 4:6-7, we must not allow worry to consume us but, rather, pray about everything. As we connect with God, we experience peace that goes beyond understanding; this helps us in finding Godly solutions. Pray for God’s intervention for your child. We cannot change our children’s hearts. Only God can.

It is Christ-like when we respond in love, patience, compassion, and understanding for our children struggling with gender issues or having a different worldview. As parents, we can choose to love despite being confronted with such problems because despite our iniquities we are also recipients of the love of the Father.

But there are also times when an adult child’s issues endanger the whole family or can be a very destructive influence on his/her other siblings. These can be issues such as drug and alcohol addiction, incest, or uncontrollable violence. There are times when parents have no choice but to kick them out of the house or surrender them to the proper authorities or rehabilitation facilities. But this does not mean that parents should just abandon the child and cease the love, communication, support, and prayers. Indeed, the child is even more in need of the necessary support, even though they are no longer under the same roof. That is the kind of love the Father has poured out upon us despite our shortcomings. Though He disciplines us, He has never stopped loving and reaching out to us.

What does the Bible say about dealing with disrespectful children?

The Ten Commandments established that children should honor their parents (Exodus 20:12 Honor your father and your mother, so that you may live long in the land the Lord your God is giving you.), so a disrespectful child clearly violates this very important law of God. Another Old Testament law found in Deuteronomy 21:18-21 tells us that a stubborn and rebellious son who deliberately disobeys His parents, despite the discipline given to him, shall be stoned to death. Leviticus 20:9 also states that children who curse their parents will be put to death. 

This is a very brutal way of dealing with disrespectful children, but we can assume that this law is not intended for toddlers and school-age kids but for adolescent and adult children. We do not fully know if the punishment required by these laws was really strictly implemented, but one thing is for sure—the Mosaic Law was intended for God’s people in the Old Covenant and is no longer enforced today by virtue of Christ’s death on the cross. Though Jesus revealed the true meaning of the law and brought out the heart of it, we are under His Lordship. That means we are able to do what is just and right because grace empowers us to do so. God still disciplines His children, and we are still held accountable by God when we disrespect our parents, though not by stoning to death.

Clearly, God is displeased with disrespectful children, and parents must discipline them. It is every parent’s sacred duty to train a child in the way he or she should go. Proverbs 22:15 says that foolishness is bound up in the child’s heart, but the rod of discipline will teach them not to disobey.

As God’s discipline for us is beneficial, parents are also expected to provide the same for their children. Discipline causes momentary pain to spare the child from even greater pain as the consequence of a life of disobedience. When children are very disrespectful, it can be due to a lack of discipline or a behavior acquired from bad examples at home. Before blaming and judging the child’s behavior, parents must also have the humility to assess their parenting methods and lifestyle first. Children are like mirrors to parents. Sometimes we don’t like what we see, but children are actually merely a reflection of the parents’ actions and words. The first place of learning for kids is at home; this can be very frustrating for parents. All of us make mistakes in parenting, but God is not expecting us to be perfect—rather, faithful. It’s not about perfect balance or perfect compliance but really about managing things with faithfulness to God’s ways and His love.

The Bible tells us that all scripture is God-breathed and essential for teaching, rebuking, correcting, and training for what is right before God (2 Timothy 3:16-17). This verse is also true for parenting; we must trust God and His standards for proper parenting. The Bible is the ultimate authority of life. It guides us in how we ought to live. We teach the truth of God to our kids because His word establishes the right foundations in a child’s perspective and responses. God also gave man wisdom to know what specifically works best in disciplining children and having the right timing. Ecclesiastes 3:1 tells us that there is always a time for everything and a season for everything that goes on under God’s watch. To be efficient in establishing respect, we must understand the right stage that corresponds to efficient discipline. Every child goes through different childhood stages and growth, and parents must learn to exact proportionate discipline.

1. Around 0-5 years old

The child has to learn to obey even without explanation. This is where you establish authority, an important foundation to respect. At this early stage, with less understanding, they just need to know that obedience must be immediate and complete and that disobedience brings painful consequences. They will learn later on in life that sin brings eternal pain. Some parents may disagree with physical discipline, but it is what the Bible recommends. Though the rod is not the only way, it is what the Bible presents as a very effective method if done in the right way. Proverbs 23:13-14 teaches us that we should not fail to discipline our children with the rod when needed. It will hurt them momentarily, but it won’t, and should not, kill them. The rod can, in fact, save their lives from sin’s dire consequences.

2. Around 6-12 years old

As their understanding matures, we must learn to explain the principles behind the discipline. This is the training stage, in which the parent makes them understand why they need to obey and the consequences of disobedience. But this should not border on legalism. We are not raising them to merely abide by the rules but for them to understand Who God is and follow Him with all their hearts. Some kids actually graduate from the physical discipline later on in this stage due to better understanding.

3. Around 13-19 years old

When they grow older and the right biblical foundations are established, the parents’ days of teaching and training are about to come to an end. The parents’ method will now change to merely coaching. There is no longer a need to tell them what to do but to allow them to live out what they have been taught in their early years. It is more of listening, encouraging, giving gentle guidance, and allowing them to take challenges. Here, the years of parenting will be tested, and as they start to live their independent lives, parents will switch to friendship as they cease to have control over their children’s life decisions. Parents will have to learn to trust God.

Children will only learn respect if they have been taught the right foundation. If they are taught to respect authority at home, they will live to be respectful human beings. But if they are raised in a harmful or negligent way, parents can expect a very disrespectful child with a lot of brokenness.

It is not easy for a parent to be confronted with such heartbreaking issues with children, but as we trust God that He is working in us, He is also working in our children’s hearts. The goal is not to raise children to be perfectly compliant but for them to be people who love God and are dependent upon His love and mercy, motivating them to live a Godly life.